What the Heck Am I Here to Do

 

There's a question that begins to pester us around our quarter-life crisis, age 25.  If you've been lucky to grab this question sooner, I envy you.

 

What the heck am I here to do?

You begin to hear these words when the plans end. You've graduated from eighteen plus years of schooling and have finished the four year law degree (also known as you 'didn't know what you wanted to do after undergrad' degree).

Now it's you and the world. Face to face…

This has to be one of the most frightening times in a young person's life. You can make the choice to continue following the plan set by societies expectations or choose another path.

 

Walking A Different Path

So you've probably been funneled down a very familiar path–hopping from circle time to a classroom desk. And from a classroom desk to a university lecture hall. All of which have brought you to this moment of truth.

Would this have been your path if you've had a choice in the matter?

Could you picture a bunch of pre-kindergarten kids making the choice of whether or not they wanted to go to school?

Well, once we finish societies plan,  we now get a choice.

 

The Choice That You Get To Make

It's been a blessing growing up in the 21^st  century. Could you imagine life without internet, airplanes, 24-hr food options, and endless opportunity?

Yet, A disempowering belief has been brought alongside of these luxuries:  You  must live your life in accordance with the standards of society.

It's  not your fault  that you've been conditioned this way,  but it is now your responsibility  to consciously decide how you're going to live the rest of your life.

 

Let's Talk About Dharma

So getting back to the initial question,  "What the heck are you here to do?"

In the Bhagavad Gita, possibly the most famous principal book of Hinduism and an inspiration to Gandhi written over 2500 years ago states this Universal Law:

Live Your Dharma.  "It is better to strive in one's own dharma then to succeed in the dharma of another. Nothing is ever lost in following one's dharma, but competition in anothers dharma breeds fear and insecurity" -The Gita

Dharma implies support from within, coming from the Sanskrit word that means "Purpose in life."

In a more personal application, we all have our own dharma, or purpose or reason for being alive.

As Krishna states in the Gita, "following someone else's dharma is dangerous. If you live your life trying to impress others and not fulfilling what you're here to do you'll feel the pain."

Ever feel like you might be  living someone else's life? Possibly the life that has  fed to you by society?

Have you began to  feel the pain  or have you changed course to live your own dharma or purpose?

In order to live this law, you must understand that you have your own unique talent and a unique way of expressing it. There is something that you can do better than any one else in the world.

And, once you realize what this talent is, there is also a unique need in which you can fill.

Here's a way to help you figure out how to rock your own purpose (dharma).

 

Ask Yourself This Question Every Day

If you had all the money and time in the world, what would you do (in service to humanity)?

Allow yourself to dream big.  What lights you up  so much that you'd spend all of your time on it?

For the next 7 days, take 5 minutes each morning  to sit with this question and see where your intuition takes you.

Lastly, let's get reacquainted with Joseph Campbell's timeless wisdom, "We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us."

Are you ready to let go and embrace your unique talents and express them to the world?

I sure hope so.

The world is waiting for it.

 

What Makes a Narcissist Tick After a Breakup?

Although a narcissist may appear self-assured and accomplished, almost everything they do is a defensive strategy meant to stave off thoughts of inadequacy.

These actions intensify during a breakup as the narcissist attempts to increase their self-esteem and avoid feelings of failure and loss.

Understanding what initially drew a narcissist to a relationship is necessary to comprehend what drives them after a breakup.

Narcissists prey on others who possess traits they find admirable or envious of. They look to these individuals to free them from insecurities and to save them from internal conflict.

Of course, these expectations are unrealistic, but when the relationship fails, the narcissist will blame you, seeking vengeance for the feelings of abandonment and emptiness the breakup evokes. 

 

In this article, we’ll explore how a narcissist’s mind works after a breakup, identifying post-breakup behaviors that narcissists commonly engage in and the motivation behind them.

 

20 Things that Make a Narcissist Tick After the Breakup

#1 Rejection

Narcissists hate rejection because it triggers their deep-seated fear that, under their grandiose facade, is an inferior being undeserving of love and affection. 

A narcissist finds any rejection destabilizing and will resort to manipulative tactics and lies to cover up the narcissistic injury. 

The rejected narcissistic spouse may resort to guilt-tripping you into rekindling the relationship, so they can avoid the rejection altogether or start a smear campaign against you, twisting the narrative to make you solely responsible for the breakup.

#2 Loss of Control

When you break up with a narcissist, you remove yourself from their sphere of influence and re-establish yourself as an independent being. 

The needs of a self-centered narcissist no longer dictate your thoughts, actions, moods, and feelings.

For the narcissist, this is hell. They see other people as mere reflections of themselves, so when they lose control over you, it’s like losing control of an arm or a leg. The narcissist is subsequently unbalanced and liable to lash out. 

 

#3 Attention Seeking

Narcissists don’t just crave attention – they rely on it. Without it, their inner insecurities take hold and start to chip away at the grandiose facade. 

When you break up with someone, you withdraw your love and attention. For the narcissist, this is both painful and destructive. 

They will respond by using manipulative tactics to regain that attention. 

They might, for example, spread rumors about you, claiming you cheated on them, or take to social media, posting cryptic updates and emotional quotes about betrayal and heartbreak to gain attention and sympathy. 

By creating drama, the narcissist shifts the focus back to themselves. They don’t care if they hurt you or damage your reputation as long as they remain firmly in the spotlight. 

For the narcissist, attention, even negativity, is better than being ignored.

 

#4 Validation 

Narcissists seek continuous validation because, without it, their grandiose facade starts to collapse, forcing them to face up to their imperfections. 

After a breakup, their fragile ego is already bruised, amplifying their need for validation. They will look to anyone to validate their emotions, reaffirm their self-worth, and use any number of manipulative tactics to achieve their goals.   

For example, a narcissist might play the victim, seeking sympathy and attention from friends and family over the breakup, or try to provoke an emotional reaction from their ex by posting passive-aggressive comments or provocative photos on social media.

In some instances, the narcissist may even try to guilt-trip and love-bomb you back into the relationship to regain control and use you as a source of validation. 

 

#5 Revenge

When a narcissist feels injured or rejected, it triggers a cascade of painful thoughts, emotions, and feelings. To protect their emotional stability, they seek revenge, through which they can project all their distress onto you.

A narcissistic ex might seek revenge by threatening to reveal intimate secrets or photographs. This is a type of revenge porn, which, researchers believe, “fulfills a narcissistic individual’s notion of entitlement, grandiosity, and need for ego reinforcement.” 

Alternatively, they may lie about you or launch a smear campaign to devalue you and ruin your reputation.

These vindictive acts serve the narcissist’s need to feel in control and superior and to retaliate against perceived threats to their ego.

 

#6 Egocentricity 

Narcissists are so convinced of their supremacy that they may refuse to believe you want to break up with them.

As far as they’re concerned, they’re the most desirable partner you could wish for, and they may struggle to understand why you’re no longer fascinated with them. 

A narcissist displaying egocentricity may tell you, “I can’t believe you would even consider leaving me.

I mean, look at me! I’m successful, attractive, and charming. You’re just going through a phase; you’ll soon realize you’ll never find anyone as good as me.”

In their minds, the idea of you rejecting their “perfection” is inconceivable, so they may dismiss your decision to break up as a temporary misunderstanding or emotional turmoil. 

 

#7 Coping Mechanisms

The narcissist relies on strange coping mechanisms, all of which involve discharging their negative feelings onto someone else. 

Instead of self-reflection and emotional regulation, they use projection, (unintentional) gaslighting, and blame-shifting to protect their fragile self-esteem and maintain their superiority. 

This behavior not only avoids accountability but also undermines your feelings and experiences.

 

#8 New Supply

Narcissists don’t have genuine feelings for anyone because they view others as mere extensions of themselves rather than as independent individuals with their own needs and emotions. 

For a narcissist, relationships are primarily about fulfilling their needs for admiration, validation, and control, so once one relationship stops fulfilling that need, they’ll quickly move on to another. 

You might have only broken up on Thursday, but by Sunday, your narcissistic ex will be posting photos of themselves sunbathing next to their new supply!

#9 Lack of Empathy

It’s partly because of a lack of empathy that narcissists can move on so quickly.

They don’t feel any remorse, guilt, or concern for you – they’re completely fixated on protecting their image and maintaining their narcissistic supply. 

If you try to talk to your ex about how you feel after the breakup, they’re likely to be dismissive rather than supportive, saying, “Can we stop talking about this already? I have better things to do.”

Your feelings are inconsequential, so unless you’re prepared to give your ex the attention he craves, you’re better off going with no contact.

 

#10 Resistance to Change

Narcissists expect other people to change to accommodate their needs, but they’re not willing to accept change instigated by someone else. 

If you break up with someone, you change their lives and force them out of their comfort zone. This is especially true of the narcissist who relies on you for attention and validation. 

Suddenly, their narcissistic supply is no longer available, forcing them to find other sources. 

This position is precarious for a narcissist whose entire sense of self depends on external validation. 

 

#11 Re-Establishing Power

Narcissists want to control you even when the relationship’s over; that way, they can continue to use you as a narcissistic supply. 

After a breakup, a narcissist may try to undermine you or provoke feelings of insecurity or jealousy to maintain their power and continue to control your emotions. 

Some narcissists will post photos on social media showing themselves enjoying the company of new prospective partners.

They’ll add captions that mention new romantic prospects and exciting adventures, hoping to trigger jealousy and make you feel like you’re missing out.

 

#12 Projection 

Narcissists can’t reflect on their failings because they refuse to acknowledge they’re any less than perfect. If flaws are brought to their attention, they’ll quickly project them onto someone else, so they can avoid the shame and anxiety associated with those flaws. 

After a breakup, a narcissist may project their faults onto you, blaming you for the relationship’s breakdown, accusing you of cheating, or claiming you were controlling or abusive towards them. 

 

#13 Hoovering 

Hoovering is a manipulative tactic many narcissists employ to seduce an ex back into their orbit so they can continue their toxic cycle of abuse. 

They will flatter you with promises of change and declarations of love, apologize for their past mistakes, and appear committed to making the relationship work. 

As soon as they suck you in, however, they’ll revert to their old behavior patterns, blaming you when conflicts arise and gaslighting you into thinking you’re responsible for all the problems in the relationship. 

 

#14 Inability to Self-Reflect 

Part of the reason narcissists project is because they can’t self-reflect. They can’t process their negative emotions or learn from past mistakes because that would mean confronting their inadequacies. 

Instead, narcissists blame their partners for a breakup and dismiss any criticism as unfounded. 

Once one relationship fails, they’ll quickly move on to the next without considering what went wrong and why. 

As a result, the narcissist is stuck in the same cycle of idealization, devaluation, and discard.

 

#15 Denial 

A narcissist may refuse to accept that the relationship is over and continue behaving as if you’re still love’s young dream. 

When experiencing denial, the narcissist might downplay the seriousness of the situation, accusing you of overreacting to a minor disagreement.

They will continue to reach out with affectionate messages and may even show up uninvited, trying to woo you back with gifts and promises of change.

 

#16 Dismissal of Emotions

Narcissists don’t develop deep feelings for anyone, even if they’ve been in a relationship with them for years.

They see other people as mere conveniences. The moment you stop fulfilling their narcissistic supply, you lose all status in the eyes of the narcissist, becoming worthless and, therefore, easy to discard. 

In this scenario, the narcissist may dismiss your feelings, saying, “You’re being irrational.

I can’t take you seriously when you act like this.” They show no interest in discussing the reasons behind the breakup or acknowledging any pain or hurt they might have caused.

 

#17 Obsession with Image 

Some narcissists, particularly somatic narcissists, are obsessed with image and status and will go to great lengths to make themselves look good, even after a breakup. 

They may play the victim, blaming you for the relationship’s failure and using emotional social media posts to garner sympathy and support from their followers. 

They’ll also lie, exaggerate the truth to make themselves look good, and turn you into the evil villain who sabotages the relationship.   

 

#18 Feeling Threatened 

If you discard the narcissist first, you reject them, casting doubt on their perceived superiority and perfection.

Narcissists need to be the center of attention to maintain their inflated self-esteem and sense of self-worth, so when you break up with them, you deliver a significant blow to their fragile ego. 

For the narcissist, this is a painful narcissistic injury that shatters their carefully crafted illusion of superiority and invincibility. 

The rejection and loss trigger a profound sense of humiliation and vulnerability, which they cannot tolerate. 

To protect their fragile ego, they may resort to extreme measures to avoid facing the reality of the breakup.

 

#19 Seeking Sympathy 

Sympathy is a form of narcissistic supply, and after a breakup, narcissists pursue it passionately.

They may try to get you to pity them because they’re so lost without you, or they’ll try to evoke sympathy from others by making you out to be unstable, unfaithful, or abusive. 

Narcissists either need to be the hero or the victim, and as there are no heroes in a breakup, they’ll play the victim instead. 

Some narcissists will even create sob stories to gain your sympathy, telling you they might lose their job or face bankruptcy, hoping you’ll feel sorry for them and rescue them. 

This tactic is a manipulative way for the narcissist to regain control and keep you emotionally connected, even after the breakup. 

 

#20 Lack of Closure

At the end of a relationship with a narcissist, you’re liable to feel confused and overwhelmed by unanswered questions. Getting some closure would help you to move on, which is precisely why the narcissist will never provide it. 

By withholding closure, the narcissist keeps you emotionally entangled and vulnerable. 

Closure would mean acknowledging the end of the relationship and accepting responsibility for their actions, which goes against the narcissist’s need to see themselves as faultless and superior.

Denying closure also keeps you doubting yourself and questioning the validity of your decision to end the relationship, further reinforcing the narcissist’s power and influence over you.

How Can We Be Safe in Relationships with a Narcissist?

Being in a relationship with someone who has narcissistic traits can be a major challenge. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is characterized by an excessive sense of superiority, lack of empathy, and a constant need for praise and validation. A relationship with such an individual can negatively impact our mental and emotional well-being. Therefore, it is essential to understand how to protect ourselves in a relationship with a narcissist.

 

1. Recognize the Signs of Narcissism

The first step to protecting yourself is recognizing the signs of narcissism, such as:

• Manipulation and gaslighting
• Lack of empathy towards others' feelings
• A superior attitude and a belief that they are always right
• Frequent belittling or criticizing of their partner
• Dependency on praise and attention

By understanding these signs, we can be more aware of relationship dynamics that may be harmful.

 

2. Set Clear Boundaries

One of the best ways to protect yourself is by establishing firm boundaries. Clearly state what you can and cannot accept in the relationship. For example:

• Not tolerating abusive or demeaning behavior
• Refusing to provide constant emotional validation
• Having personal space and time for yourself

These boundaries must be enforced firmly, even though a narcissist may try to ignore or manipulate the situation to make you feel guilty.

 

3. Avoid Falling into Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a manipulation technique that makes someone doubt their own reality and perception. People with NPD often use this method to control their partners. If you feel confused or constantly question yourself, keep a record of events to stay grounded in reality.

 

4. Take Care of Your Mental and Emotional Health

A relationship with a narcissist can be emotionally draining. Therefore, it is important to:

• Engage in activities that support mental health, such as meditation, exercise, or enjoyable hobbies
• Talk to trusted friends or family members
• Seek support from a therapist or professional counselor

 

5. Do Not Try to Change Them

One common mistake is trying to change a narcissistic person. Unfortunately, without strong self-awareness and proper therapy, individuals with NPD rarely change. Instead of focusing on changing them, it is better to direct your energy towards maintaining your own well-being and happiness.

 

6. Consider Walking Away

If the relationship has become extremely toxic and is endangering your mental health, consider distancing yourself or even ending the relationship. This may be a difficult decision, but sometimes the only way to truly stay safe is by leaving a harmful relationship.

 

Conclusion

Being in a relationship with a narcissistic person can be a challenging and exhausting experience. However, by recognizing the signs of narcissism, setting boundaries, protecting your mental health, and taking the right steps, we can safeguard ourselves from being trapped in a destructive relationship. Emotional safety and personal well-being should always be the top priority.

 

There's no such thing as an "addictive personality" here's why

 

Life is a series of addictions and without them we die".

This is my favourite quote in academic addiction literature and was made back in 1990 in the British Journal of Addiction by Isaac Marks. This deliberately provocative and controversial statement was made to stimulate debate about whether excessive and potentially problematic activities such as gambling, sex and work really can be classed as genuine addictions.

 

Many of us might say to ourselves that we are "addicted" to tea, coffee, work or chocolate, or know others who we might describe as being "hooked" on television or using pornography. But do these assumptions have any basis in fact?

 

The issue all comes down to how addiction is defined in the first place "“ as many of us in the field disagree on what the core components of addiction actually are. Many would argue that the words "addiction" and "addictive" are used so much in everyday circumstances that they have become meaningless. For instance, saying that a book is an "addictive read" or that a specific television series is "addictive viewing" renders the word useless in a clinical setting. Here, the word "addictive" is arguably used in a positive way and as such it devalues its real meaning.

 

Healthy enthusiasm "¦ or real problem?

The question I get asked most "“ particularly by the broadcast media "“ is what is the difference between a healthy excessive enthusiasm and an addiction? My response is simple: a healthy excessive enthusiasm adds to life, whereas an addiction takes away from it. I also believe that to be classed as an addiction, any such behaviour should comprise a number of key components, including overriding preoccupation with the behaviour, conflict with other activities and relationships, withdrawal symptoms when unable to engage in the activity, an increase in the behaviour over time (tolerance), and use of the behaviour to alter mood state.

 

Other consequences, such as feeling out of control with the behaviour and cravings for the behaviour are often present. If all these signs and symptoms are present then I would call the behaviour a true addiction. But that hasn't stopped others accusing me of watering down the concept of addiction.

 

The science of addiction

A few years ago, Steve Sussman, Nadra Lisha and I published a review examining the relationship between eleven potentially addictive behaviours reported in the academic literature: smoking tobacco, drinking alcohol, taking illicit drugs, eating, gambling, internet use, love, sex, exercise, work and shopping. We examined the data from 83 large-scale studies and reported a prevalence of an addiction among US adults ranged from as low as 15% to as high as 61% in a 12-month period.

 

We also reported it plausible that 47% of the US adult population suffers from maladaptive signs of an addictive disorder over a 12-month period and that it may be useful to think of addictions as due to problems of lifestyle as well as to person-level factors. In short "“ and with many caveats "“ our paper argued that at any one time almost half the US population is addicted to one or more behaviours.

There is a lot of scientific literature showing that having one addiction increases the propensity to have other addictions. For instance, in my own research, I have come across alcoholic pathological gamblers "“ and we can all probably think of people we might describe as caffeine-addicted workaholics. It is also common for people who give up one addiction to replace it with another (which we psychologists call "reciprocity"). This is easily understandable as when a person gives up one addiction it leaves a void in the person's life and often the only activities that can fill the void and give similar experiences are other potentially addictive behaviours. This has led many people to describe such people as having an "addictive personality".

 

Addictive personalities?

While there are many pre-disposing factors for addictive behaviour, including genes and personality traits, such as high neuroticism (anxious, unhappy, prone to negative emotions) and low conscientiousness (impulsive, careless, disorganised), addictive personality is a myth.

 

Even though there is good scientific evidence that most people with addictions are highly neurotic, neuroticism in itself is not predictive of addiction. For instance, there are highly neurotic people who are not addicted to anything, so neuroticism is not predictive of addiction. In short, there is no good evidence that there is a specific personality trait "“ or set of traits "“ that is predictive of addiction and addiction alone.

 

Doing something habitually or excessively does not necessarily make it problematic. While there are many behaviours such as drinking too much caffeine or watching too much television that could theoretically be described as addictive behaviours, they are more likely to be habitual behaviours that are important in a person's life but actually cause little or no problems. As such, these behaviours should not be described as an addiction unless the behaviour causes significant psychological or physiological effects in their day-to-day lives.

This article was first published here.

7 Secrets To The 55 x 5 Law Of Attraction Method

Imagine having a desire in your life and someone gave you the magic formula to make it happen. Think about the 55×5 law of attraction method a bit like the magic formula.

If you're into the Law of Attraction you've more than likely heard of the 55×5 Method or the 33×3 method. But have you actually tried it out?

Both of these techniques require that you write down your desire for 55 or 33 times for 5 or 3 days, depending on the method you prefer. I will show you exactly what to do in this article to make it work for you.

It’s one of the most powerful law of attraction techniques around – anybody can do it! Even if you’re totally new to the law of attraction and don’t believe it works.

All you need is 10 to 20 minutes a day.

Whilst explaining exactly what to do with the 55×5 law of attraction method I will share with you the 7 secrets that will make it really powerful for you.

 

What is the 55×5 Law of Attraction Method?

To put is very simply it's taking ONE of your desires, turning it into a positive affirmation statement and writing that statement down 55 times for five days. That's it!

However, there's a few secrets that will make this magical manifestation technique work even better and even quicker for you.

Also please don't think your desires will come about within the 5 days of doing this. A lot of the time it will, but what we are really doing here is focusing our energy on a desire and making it laser focused ~ Energy flows where attention goes.

What we are doing is sending messages to our subconscious mind about the desire we wish to manifest and we're instructing it to start working on that desire. If we did not focus on it so intently for 5 days the subconscious mind would not be as focused on the desire. Subsequently the desire might not come about as quickly as we intended.

 

1 – Think Bigger

What a lot of people do when they try the 55×5 law of attraction method is they test it. By that I mean they think 'I will try this with a small desire to see if it really works.' don't do that. The law of attraction works just as powerfully if you are asking for a very small desire to happen or a bigger desire.

Now, that is not to say that you can ask for £1 million to come into your life and it will be just as easy as asking for £1 to come into your life. Why is that?

It's a simple case of Cognitive Dissonance which means that you cannot hold two opposing beliefs in your mind at the same time. So if you tried to manifest £1 million you just would not believe that could happen, your subconscious mind would just baulk at the possibility of this happening and the stronger of two opposing beliefs would win the day.

That is not to say you cannot go big.

The secret is to have a stretch belief, meaning that you think about something that is just outside your grasp just now but not that much that it makes it almost impossible to reach.

To find your stretch belief I want you to try the ESM Exercise: Easy, Stretch, Moonshot exercise.

When it comes to money ask and answer these questions:

1. How much more money could I easily make this week?
2. How much money could I make that would be harder for me but achievable?
3. How much money would be a moonshot goal for me this week?

So with question 1 start small and work up e.g. Could I easily bring in an extra £1 in my life this week? £10 per week? £100 this week? £250, £500, £1000

Pretty soon you'll come to a figure that is not easy but you think you could just about manage it. When you reach that figure that is the start of your stretch belief which is question 2.

Do the same for question 2. So your last figure from question 1 might have been £1,000, so your stretch question starts at £1,000. Now keep going up until you start to think 'Nah! there's no way I could do that.' that's when you've reached your limit of your stretch belief.

Then it's question 3. Your moonshot belief is something you'd love in your life that you think is virtually impossible but possibly still achievable if you had the right skills, knew the right people, had a little luck and everything was perfectly aligned.

Answering question 3 is not about plucking a number out of your head it's about saying to yourself I could achieve that one day but not this week. You might be thinking £1 million is achievable in your lifetime but just not this week, or you might lower it to £500,000 or £100,000. Could you get an extra £100,000 this week? it's possible if you sold your house or sold everything you owned or sold your pensions everything. So £100,000 is not as impossible as it sounds. Find your moonshot belief.

So the figure you use is around the middle of the stretch belief figures e.g. if you went up from £1,000, then £2,000, £3,000, £4,000, £5,000. £5,000 might be the start of your moonshot beliefs. So the middle is £3,000 and that's the figure you would use as your stretch belief.

The great thing about doing the Easy, Stretch, Moonshot exercise is that it literally stretches your beliefs about what is possible. this therefore makes you think bigger in everything you do and gives you more motivation. I will write another article on this in full later on.

So, do not test the 55×5 law of attraction method by going small. If you do this you will do it half heartedly and it will not work. You have to go in giving it your all so make your desire a stretch desire, something that is achievable but just outside your grasp at the moment.

 

2. Make It Your Desire

Another mistake a lot of people make is that they create a desire that is outside their control or they try and use the law of attraction to manipulate other people e.g. 'I would like [someone] to fall in love with me'

Make your desire yours and something that gives you complete control and power. If you desire someone else to fall in love with you you are giving all your power away and effectively saying I cannot be happy until this person loves me. You see what you are doing here?

The 55×5 law of attraction method is about giving power to you and helping you to believe in your own power. We all have seemingly magical powers, but a lot of the time we waste it or give it away to other people which diminishes its effectiveness. The more you give your power away the less power you have for yourself.

3. Starting To Believe

The first thing you have to do is prepare your mind to believe in the 55×5 law of attraction method. I know I said you don't have to believe in it for it to work, however setting up your mind to believe will make it work faster for you.

I spoke about cognitive dissonance earlier on in the article and if you use the 55×5 law of attraction method thinking it is never going to work then it won't work. This will strengthen your resolve that the law of attraction just doesn't work. So, I am not asking you to believe me 100% I am asking you to try the belief on and see if it works for you that way.

To try a new belief on all you simply do is tell yourself that you're going to try this new belief that the 55×5 law of attraction actually works. You're telling yourself you're giving it a go and keeping an open mind. If it works – fantastic, if it doesn't work then no harm no foul.

This way you are instructing your subconscious mind to be open to the possibility that the 55×5 law of attraction might actually work. otherwise your subconscious mind just shuts down to the possibility of this method actually working.

 

4. Set Up a Start Date

To prepare yourself for actually using the 55×5 law of attraction method a great way to do it is to set a start date for using it.

What you are effectively doing is something called delayed gratification.

What a lot of people do when they hear about the 55×5 method is they start it straight away and after one day get bored with it and discontinue it.

When you set a start date you are preparing and organising you mind to have much more success with it.

What you are also doing here is creating excitement around the whole exercise and creating a desire to make it happen. when you do this you are more likely to finish the method than someone who starts it immediately.

So set up a start date, whether it be tomorrow or in a few days. in the meantime read as much info as possible about the 55×5 law of attraction method, I'll give you some great articles and some videos to do your research at the end of this article. This will create even more excitement around the whole process.

 

5. Take Action

Here's a huge secret that no one really speaks about.

You have to take action when you're using this method. You see, what will happen is that you will spend 20 minutes per day for five days writing down your affirmation desire and then just sit back and wait.

The whole point of doing this is to start listening to the ideas and information that comes from your subconscious mind. When you are instructing your subconscious mind your particular desire is happening just now, your subconscious mind has to align with what you're telling it and what is actually happening in your life.

As you are going about your day to day life, you will find that you start to get ideas that relate to your desire. Act on those ideas and start taking action immediately. That is what the law of attraction is all about.

 

6. Feeling Your Desire

Another huge secret is the fact that you've got to get in an emotional state of actually having acheived your desire.

As you create your affirmation that you will use for the first 55×5 law of attraction method exercise do this exercise.

Close your eyes and FEEL what it would be like when you have achieved your desire. So if your desire is to bring in another £3000 into your life how do you feel about that, what does it feel like when you tell your partner about it, or your children, or what does it feel like to be able to pay off your debt.

It's your feelings that will truly help kick this amazing method into a powerful manifestation technique that you will use for the rest of your life.

Neville Goddard explains this much better than I can:

“Ideas are impressed on the subconscious through the medium of feeling. No idea can be impressed on the subconscious until it is felt, but once felt – be it good, bad or indifferent – it must be expressed. Feeling is the one and only medium through which ideas are conveyed to the subconscious. Therefore, the man who does not control his feeling may easily impress the subconscious with undesirable states. By control of feeling is not meant restraint or suppression of your feeling, but rather the disciplining of self to imagine and entertain only such feeling as contributes to your happiness. Control of your feeling is all important to a full and happy life.”
? Neville Goddard, Feeling is the Secret

 

7. Changing Your Energy Vibration

As you write these affirmations and carry out the 55×5 law of attraction method there are subtle changes that take place, mentally, emotionally and physically.

With the physical act of writing your affirmation desire 55 times per day for 5 days, you are setting an energy in motion that is directly linking to your subconscious mind. As your subconscious mind is helping you to create new ideas to help your desire come to fruition this is a very powerful part of the exercise.

Another powerful thing to do here is to say your affirmation aloud as you are writing them. So as you write each one say it out loud. When you finished writing all the 55 affirmations then go back to the beginning and read it out loud.

This is powerful as it creates a different type of vibrational energy and works to attract like for like. The energy you vibrate attracts energy of the same vibrational frequency. So saying your affirmations aloud will help bring about more of what you want in your life.

As mentioned earlier feeling your desire is going to help dramatically bring about your desire much quicker when you are using the 55xx5 law of attraction method. When you get into the motion of something you are creating a different energy pattern from what you are used to, this is what helps bring about change. For you to change something in your life you have to change something in your life and by changing your emotions that is what helps to bring about the change you desire.

Mentally seeing your desire happen, feeling the emotion of it happening all helps to create in your mind something so powerful that it can't help but come into your reality.

remember your reality is completely different form anybody else's reality and your reality just now will not be the same reality you have tomorrow or the next day.

You literally change your reality every day with the thoughts you think, the actions you take and the feelings you feel. Change these and you change your reality.

Knowing all of this is really powerful as most people change their reality by repeatedly thinking negative thoughts as they don't know what I am teaching you just now. if you keep thinking negative thoughts, feeling negative feelings and taking negative actions guess what your life is going to be a big ball of negativity. Conversely if you do the opposite and repeatedly think positive thoughts, feel positive feelings and take positive actions your life will change beyond measure and that is the beauty of this 55×4 law of attraction method as it helps you to change your thoughts, your feelings and helps you to take different actions.

10 Transformative Things That Happen When You Learn to Love Being Alone

There’s a big difference between being alone and feeling lonely. Being alone is a conscious decision to spend time with yourself, while feeling lonely is the desire to fill an emotional void with the company of others.

 

For much of my life, I embraced solitude, and it shaped me profoundly. I had my own space, pursued passions, explored new hobbies, and discovered who I really was. Those years taught me to value my own company and allowed me to build a life filled with purpose, self-awareness, and deep connections.

 

Even now, with a loving family and fulfilling relationships, I prioritize time for myself. Being alone doesn’t mean isolating from the world—it’s about finding a balance that allows you to reconnect with yourself. Here are 10 transformative things that happen when you embrace being alone:

 

1. You Find Time to Breathe

Life often feels like a never-ending race. Between work, social obligations, and the constant demands of modern living, it’s easy to forget to pause. Time spent alone allows you to take a deep breath, exhale slowly, and let the stress melt away. It’s your chance to center yourself and simply exist in the moment.

 

2. Mental Clarity Improves

When life feels chaotic, our thoughts can become foggy and scattered. Solitude gives your mind the space it needs to process and declutter. Suddenly, ideas that seemed out of reach become clear, and solutions to problems naturally emerge.

 

3. You Gain Perspective on Your Life

Solitude gives you the gift of self-reflection. When you step away from the noise of others’ opinions and expectations, you can ask yourself the big questions:

• Am I happy?
• What do I truly want?
• What direction do I want my life to take?

These moments of reflection can lead to breakthroughs that help you create a more fulfilling life.

 

4. You Discover New Passions

Spending time alone gives you the freedom to explore hobbies, interests, and creative pursuits without judgment or interruption. Whether it’s learning a new skill, rediscovering an old passion, or simply experimenting with something new, solitude opens doors to personal growth.

 

5. Productivity Increases

When distractions are eliminated, you can focus deeply on your tasks. Time alone is often the most productive time—whether it’s for work, personal projects, or simply organizing your life. You’ll be amazed at how much you can accomplish when you’re in the zone.

 

6. Confidence Blossoms

There’s something empowering about being comfortable in your own skin. When you spend time alone, you develop an inner strength and confidence that radiates into your interactions with others. You’ll find yourself speaking less but saying more, and feeling self-assured even in silence.

 

7. You Feel More Independent

When you embrace alone time, you realize you don’t need to rely on others for your happiness. You can take yourself out to dinner, enjoy a movie solo, or go on an adventure without needing someone by your side. This independence is liberating and deeply satisfying.

 

8. You Connect With Your Emotions

When you’re constantly surrounded by others, it’s easy to get caught up in their emotions and energy. Alone time allows you to tune into your own feelings, understand what makes you truly happy, and process any pain or challenges you may be facing.

 

9. You Explore Deeper Meaning

Solitude invites you to contemplate life’s bigger questions:

• What is my purpose?
• How can I make a difference?
• What does fulfillment look like for me?

This reflection can lead to profound insights and a stronger sense of direction in your life.

 

10. Your Relationships Improve

Ironically, spending time alone can enhance your relationships. When you’re comfortable with yourself, you bring a fuller, more authentic version of you to your interactions. You’re also less likely to feel dependent on others, which creates healthier, more balanced relationships.

 

Embrace the Power of Solitude

Learning to love being alone isn’t about shutting the world out—it’s about reconnecting with yourself. It’s about creating a foundation of self-awareness, independence, and confidence that will enrich every aspect of your life.

So, take a deep breath, carve out some time just for you, and step into the quiet. You might be surprised at how much you grow when you embrace your own company.

8 Things You Don't Want to Learn Too Late in Life

Most of the time, people don't assess the situation they're in until a crisis hits. And this usually comes at a time when it's already too late to alter their course of action. The chances we miss, the relationships we didn't cherish or unfinished tasks we didn't complete. Nobody wants to learn things too late in life and mourn on the regret of not having taken action on something

I don't even remember the amount of times that I have thought, "I wish I knew that when I was younger". I'm sure most of us had wished that we could go back to our younger self with all the knowledge we have right now. So here are 8 things that you don't want to learn too late in life.

 

1. Stop shoulding on yourself

We go through life learning at a young age all the things that we should do and even punished for not doing them. Then we look around other people's lives and see that they're doing the same thing, so we don't question it. But we don't stop to ask ourselves if this is what we truly want.

Do you really want to be a lawyer, or has your parents just instilled this belief upon you? Do you really need college for your passion, or has society made you think it's mandatory for success. Will Smith's parents almost forced college on him, but after much fighting they gave him the opportunity of one year to chase his musical dreams. I'm assuming there would be no Fresh Prince if Will Smith shoulded himself.

There's a new American dream now. This generation has chiseled and revised the American dream into something more viable: living your passion. We take the lessons of the old timers about hard work, dedication and sacrifice, and put it into something we absolutely love doing. Demand something more for yourself from the smidgen of time we're privileged to have here on this earth.

 

2. Facing your fears

The skill of facing your fear is one of the most obvious, but sometimes the most crucial. It doesn't matter who you are – elite athlete, millionaire, or Chuck Norris; we all have some type of level of fear. A level of discomfort when a situation arises. But without putting yourself face to face with your fears, you can never fully get to where you want to be. There really are no shortcuts.

Most people will probably fear failure. It can paralyze you from moving forward. It can chew you up and spit you out. But look at it this way, failure is something that is absolutely essential for you to be able to enjoy success. Would sunny days feel so special, if there weren't rainy ones?

None of us are perfect, we all make mistakes. But with every mistake, every failure, it slowly transitions into wisdom. The wisdom of knowing how to do it better. The wisdom that those same failures you encountered, developed you into the person you are today.

 

3. Small steps for big changes

Small steps aren't about limiting yourself from growing to large, too quick. It's a matter of being able to start (especially with something you fear). It's about growing momentum and putting yourself into a position where you know you can succeed. The thought of doing everything at once exhausts my brain just thinking about it. I used to put way too many things on my to-do list, attempt to get everything done, and end up procrastinating because of how much there is to do.

Break the monster down into bite sized pieces. Want to accomplish more? Start with just two of the most important things on your to do list. Want to change your diet? Start with one healthy meal a day.

I know my lazy days are going to come. But by breaking a goal down to just 10 minutes a day will help you persist in the long run. So when I don't feel like working out, I say to myself just 10 minutes a day. Those 10 minutes almost always turn into a full blown workout!

 

4. This is your moment

You can learn a thing or two from a child. Their minds only fixate on the playground around them. They're not thinking of their next homework assignment or what they cried about yesterday. They just go out and purely enjoy themselves in the moment: running, laughing and playing.

Every moment that passes by you, is another moment that you can't get back. It's a moment that you could have seized. These moments pass us while our minds are somewhere else. You miss the interesting people around you, the beautiful environments, and most of all the life that you're living.

 

5. Don't make things bigger than they are

Yes, we can learn from a child, but that's not to say we are children. When a child gets upset, they're upset. They get consumed by what upset them and they think it's the end of the world. But as we get older, we live through many stressful things in our lives. We learn the ability to cope and withstand things. We now know that we should not be throwing that tantrum when you don't get the piece of chocolate. But, sometimes we still carry that type of mindset into minor problems we face throughout the day.

When we experience stress – a physiological response of fight or flight is triggered. This is actually very natural, and probably helped our ancestors survive. The part of the brain that creates this response cannot fully distinguish it as a real threat or a perceived threat. But understanding that this physiological reaction is a natural part of us can help us see that nothing is actually attacking us. Life really isn't as serious as you think it is.

The problems that you have now aren't going to matter in a year; it might not even matter by next week! One moment your heart is racing a mile a minute, the next you're laughing at the incident. I remember all the times arguing with my significant other. The arguments were small, but it led to many big fights. Looking back, I could have replied with just a simple "okay," and it would have been fine.

 

6. The world doesn't revolve around you

You have to understand that people don't think of you as much as you think they do. They have their own minds, insecurities and problems to think about. To them, they are the main character of their own story and if they are thinking of you, it's probably because it interconnects to their own lives.

Even if this thought makes you feel less significant, it helps you put into perspective that all the worries and regrets of what people think of you are only the construct of your own mind. Understanding this lets me feel less anxious about other people judging me and helps me gain confidence in my every day actions.

 

7. Invest time in others

Recently, my grandmother unexpectedly went to the emergency room because of heart pain. I immediately raced to the hospital and went there only to find her on the bed with a huge grin on her face. I was relieved to know she was okay. But what dawned on me was her ability to remain so happy even when IVs were hooked into her arms. But I knew her joy came from the presence of my whole family being there to support her.

How would it feel if you were sick in the hospital and not a single soul came to visit? Invest some of the time you have in caring for the people close to you, even if it means sacrificing some personal time. Treasuring your relationships with your loved ones is something that should never be overlooked. You know the saying "Live like it's the last day of your life" – take that up another notch and treat your loved ones like it's their last day on earth. They will notice.

 

8. Relationships Matter More Than Success

At the end of your life, you won’t be reminiscing about your job title or the awards you won. You’ll think about the people who loved you and the memories you shared.

Don’t take your relationships for granted. Spend time with the people who matter. Tell them you love them. Success is great, but connection is what truly makes life meaningful.

 

Final Thought:

Life is fleeting. Don’t wait for a crisis to reflect on what truly matters. Take action, live intentionally, and cherish every moment. What lesson will you choose to act on today?

 

10 Habits Of Highly Confident People

Have you ever pondered how certain people manage to succeed in almost all they do and seem to glide through life? If the response is yes, you have also questioned why, despite working just as hard and possessing the same level of expertise, you are not doing more of the same. What's the difference? It all comes down to confidence. It has an impact on almost every aspect of our lives, from our working lives to our social lives.

Making the most of your skills and pushing over your apparent boundaries are made possible by confidence. Yes, some people are born with confidence, but like everything else, confidence can be developed. You can start adopting these ten habits of extremely self-assured people right now and improve your life.

 

1. They Learn All the Time

The main reason why we are not learning more is because we fear failure. Confident people, on the other hand, aren't afraid if trying new things and learning new skills, just because they might not succeed right away. If they do succeed, great, and if they don't, they pick up where they left off and use it as a learning experience.

 

2. They Take Responsibility

As opposed to being idle bystanders in their own lives, confident people assume control over it. They accept that they are responsible for their own decisions, actions, and words. Of course, they might not be able to control the outcome, but they can control for their responses and choices in life, whether good or bad.

 

3. They Don't Give into Their Fears

Even the bravest ones among us have fears. But, what makes us brave is not our lack of fear, but acting in spite of it. That's also one of the trademarks of all confident people. Fear is what keeps most of us from trying, and it's definitely something that keeps us away from success. Being confident is about stepping out of your comfort zone and giving it a shot.

 

4. They Don't See Themselves as Victims

At some point in yourself, you are going to feel like everything and everyone is against you. It's an opportunity to fall into self-pity and feel victimized. Confident people do the exact opposite. They view problems and roadblocks as challenges, which drives them to try even harder. Sure, they also feel when they have been done wrong, but that doesn't stop them from achieving their goals.

 

5. They Respect Others

This doesn't mean that they will put up with other people, no matter how difficult they are. But, they have no problem in seeing value in other people around them. Furthermore, they are more than ready to help them out, whether through pointing them in the right direction, providing timely feedback, or simply lending them a hand when they need it.

 

6. They Accept Recognition

Once they have done a good job, confident people will be pleased with it, and will accept recognition for their hard work. But, they won't boast about it. They will also praise others which have played a role, because they realize that success is often the result of a team effort.

 

7. They Have Goals

Setting goals helps them stay on track and monitor their progress. They realize that in order to find success, they need to overcome numerous obstacles and take lots of different steps. But, they are also good at adjusting their goals and taking a different direction. Confident people use goals as motivation, and not as a source of pressure.

 

8. They Don't Compare Themselves to Others

When you compare yourself to others, all of your flaws come to the forefront, and you focus on them, instead of focusing on your goals. People which are highly confident focus on themselves and all the ways they can improve their skills, which further boosts their confidence.

 

9. They Look after Themselves

In addition to taking care of their minds, confident people also take care of their bodies. Let's be honest, looking your best has an outstanding effect on your confidence, so make sure to watch what you eat, get plenty of sleep, and exercise regularly. This also reduces your chances of getting sick, because when you are sick, you can't work on your goals, no matter how confident you are.

 

10. They Learn to Trust Their Instincts

Confident people learn to go with their gut. This doesn't mean that they don't put any thought into their actions or decisions, because they do. The reason why it may seem that way is because they have learned to make decisions in an instant, without hesitating. They make decisions every day, without postponing them, or passing them off onto others.

 

The Final Word

Being confident does that take work, at least in the beginning. But, if you implement the tips we have shared in this article, you will become so good at it, it will become your second nature. It will feel effortless, because you will grow your confidence.

How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

Sometimes we look at other people’s lives and start to compare ourselves and feel like we’re not good enough. Here’s how to stop comparing yourself to others.

 

“I cannot say this too strongly: Do not compare yourselves to others. Be true to who you are, and continue to learn with all your might.” – Daisaku Ikeda

The truth is, no one has it all figured out, and everyone is struggling in some way. We go on sites like Facebook and see people’s perfect lives, or the filtered photos of Instagram, or the Photoshopped pictures in magazines, and we think that everyone has their lives together except us.

But that’s not true. Here’s the real truth about comparing yourself.

Facebook paints a nice picture of our lives, but most people’s day to day life is pretty mundane. Sometimes it’s sad and sometimes it’s happy, like the times they highlight on social media, but we usually don’t hear about the bad times.

So you aren’t actually getting an accurate picture of what people’s lives are really like.

Everyone is on their own journey and goes at their own pace.

Don’t compare your beginning to someone else’s middle. If you’re worried that you’re “behind” or you should be farther along by now because you see other people who are succeeding at what you want to do, don’t worry.

But the real secret?

There is no secret to life. There is no secret to success.

It’s all about showing up day after day and putting in the work and doing what you love.

1. First, realize you are on your own unique journey.

There may be people out there who you’re comparing yourself to. Maybe you’re even a little green with envy because they’ve already succeeded at what you want to do.

 

But if other people are succeeding, that just means that it’s possible for you to succeed too. It’s kind of comforting to know that if someone is already succeeding, they’ve already blazed a trail where you want to go.

 

2. Stay focused on taking regular small steps forward.

Wherever you are on your own journey is perfect. Even if all you can manage is a baby step or two every month, recognize that you are your own person and you make progress at your own pace.

 

Comparing yourself won’t speed you up, it will just discourage you. So keep your eyes on your own paper and keep putting one foot in front of the other. One step at a time, one day at a time.

 

3. Be grateful for everything you’ve already accomplished.

Maybe you feel like you haven’t accomplished much, especially compared to everyone else with their impressive achievements and obvious successes. But maybe you aren’t giving yourself enough credit!

 

Sometimes it’s less about the apparent victories and more about the internal battles won and overcome. Have you grown as a person since you started on your journey? Have you learned any important lessons, become more grounded, or are a little happier or more fulfilled from trying to follow your dreams?

Everyone Is Just Making it Up as They Go (Don’t Worry)

In the past I’ve talked to people who I thought had it all together (and sometimes I was that person) and realized that deep down, no one has it figured out. Which is liberating and scary at the same time.

The truth is, we’re all just making it up as we go. Some people are just more confident about what they’re doing. That’s all. No one’s been gifted with some special quality that you don’t have.

There’s nothing you need outside of yourself to be happy.

It’s in everyone.

There are no secret answers or knowledge to acquire. You don’t have to be born with special talents. Anyone, anywhere, can choose to make the best of the life they’ve been given.

And that means that if you’re just making it up as you go, improv’ing your way through life, then you’re doing just fine. 🙂 In fact, if you’re even thinking about this stuff, you’re probably doing great.

So don’t worry, and don’t compare yourself. What you see on social media isn’t the whole truth – it’s just the pretty parts.

You’re a good person, and I think you’re doing the best you can. How do I know? Because that’s what I’ve seen, time and time again, when you really get to know someone. Everyone is just doing the best they can.

And everyone’s just making it up as they go.

Someone out there is wishing that they had what you have, or that they’d accomplished what you’ve already accomplished. Give yourself a little credit for how far you’ve come in your life!

I promise that you are an amazing person and you have a lot to celebrate and be grateful for – this is your journey, and you are making progress every day. Keep going, don’t give up, and don’t get caught up in the trap of comparing yourself.

You can do this.

10 Things People Do to Become Mentally Tough

 

People who are mentally “tough” are the kind of people who know what they want, and how to get it. “We all reach critical points in our lives where our mental strength is tested. Whatever the challenge, you have to be strong, see things through a new lens, and take decisive action if you want to move through it successfully,” says Dr. Travis Bradberry.

 

“It’s hard to be mentally strong, especially when you feel stuck,” says Dr. Bradberry, but changing your attitude and outlook on life is just one way to become a tougher person mentally. If you’re looking for a way to start being tougher, here are the best ways to go about it.

 

Here Are 10 Things People Do To Become Mentally Tough

1. No more complaining

It can be tempting to complain about something that doesn’t go right. But complaining only brings your attitude down. Complaining doesn’t help, so the best thing to do is to look for what you can change.

“Mentally strong people are flexible and are constantly adapting. Only when you embrace change can you find the good in it. You need to have an open mind and open arms if you’re going to recognize, and capitalize on, the opportunities that change creates,” adds Dr. Bradberry.

Even if it’s nothing, you can control your attitude and your outlook on every situation.

 

2. You are in control

And even if you aren’t… act like it. There’s something to the old saying of “fake it until you make it”. If you act like you’re in control, you’ll feel much more relaxed and confident. Even in situations when you’re not in control, acting like it can help center your mind.

“The challenges that come along from time to time are a test of our willingness to stretch and change. The worst thing you can do is to ignore the situation or procrastinate in developing solutions. The challenge is here and the difficulty is now. Focus your energy on the present moment; don’t lose what is right before you,” says president of Lead from Within, Lolly Daskal.

People who are mentally tough have a sense of control, even if it’s just over their own selves. Feeling in control is the path to success.

 

3. Be mindful

Practicing mindfulness is one of the major steps to becoming mentally tougher. After all, when you’re mindful and have control of your thoughts, you’re less likely to have an adverse reaction to stress. Mindfulness can also help alleviate anxiety.

“Whether it’s an emotion, a thought, a belief, an impulse, or something in the environment, mindfulness calls us to approaching everything with a curious, nonjudgmental, open, and accepting attitude,” adds Daskal. Being mentally in control is important when it comes to mental toughness.

 

4. Practice strong habits

Sometimes, things fall by the wayside. Staying motivated towards your goals can be hard when life gets in the way. But, people who are mentally tough have one secret in their back pockets. They are consistent with their habits. Practice makes perfect, and to be mentally strong, you have to keep trying.

 

5. Be kind to yourself

How many times have you caught yourself being self-deprecating? People who are mentally tough have a more kind and genuine inner dialogue with themselves.

“Positive daily affirmations can help you develop your mental and emotional strength. Take a few moments every day to look at yourself in the mirror and say something encouraging to yourself,” adds Wiki How.

Start treating yourself the way you would treat a loved one. You’ll be surprised by how quickly your attitude turns around when you start being kind to yourself.

 

6. Break bad habits

In line with practicing good, strong habits, it’s important to break habits that are bad. “Letting go of a bad habit can help you work smarter, not harder. Giving up bad habits that rob you of mental strength, like feeling sorry for yourself, will ensure your healthy habits are much more effective,” says clinical social worker, psychotherapist and author Amy Morin, LCSW.

Any habit that is maladaptive or makes it harder for you to do your best, either mentally or physically, is considered a bad habit. This requires consistency and commitment, though it’s important to forgive yourself if you slip up sometimes.

 

7. Distance yourself from toxic people

Author Israelmore Ayivor once said, “Fire False Friends as early as possible. Do it before they dig out the dream seeds you’ve planted! The earlier, the better; the quicker, the safer!”

People who are mentally tough don’t allow toxic people to spread negativity into their lives. While there may be some toxic people you can’t avoid, someone who is mentally tough won’t allow that person to affect their day.

“It’s really easy when confronted with a negative person to get sucked into their spiral of negativity. Choosing not to engage doesn’t mean ignoring them, but it does mean maintaining your emotional distance,” adds Wiki How.

Know that you’re in control of your own feelings, attitude, and reactions, and take other people’s toxicity with a grain of salt.

 

8. Learn to say “no”

People who are constantly saying “yes” to tasks, even when they’re overworked, have a tendency to experience higher stress levels, as well as anxiety. To be mentally tough, it’s important to learn when and how to say “no”.

“Make no mistake about it, no is a powerful word that you should not be afraid to wield. When it’s time to say no, you need to avoid phrases like “I don’t think I can” or “I’m not certain.” When it’s time to say no, just say no,” adds Dr. Bradberry.

It’s okay to set boundaries and to put your own health and well-being first. After all, you can’t say “yes” if you’re too overwhelmed.

 

9. Learn from your mistakes

People who are mentally tough don’t fear mistakes. After all, making mistakes is all part of learning. It’s also part of being human.

“Perseverance gives you the ability to face any difficulty, any challenge, any setback without being defeated. It’s better to have a lifetime full of small failures that you learned from rather than one filled with the regret of never having tried,” adds Daskal.

The thing that makes a mentally tough person different from someone else, is that they learn from their mistakes. They embrace them and allow those mistakes to make them a better (and more mentally tough) person.

 

10. Own your responsibilities

Taking responsibility for your own actions, your own thoughts, and your own feelings is one of the best ways to become mentally tough. People who are mentally tough rarely blame other people for their own shortcomings or make an excuse. When something goes wrong, they say to themselves, “Okay, now how can I make it better, and how can I make sure it doesn’t happen again?”